I created this Tumblr purely for the benefit of having a place where I can bitch/rant/rave. So guess what. I’m going to fucking do so. 

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I am so damn sick and tired of not being able to have a good fucking day. Seriously. The only bonus to today is the fact I’m spending it with my son. But even HE is being a grumpy-gills, and it’s seriously grating on my last nerve. I’ve stood back all day, and watched what’s been going on, and it’s been nothing but disregarding the rules my mother put into place WITH her husband, yet he’s not even holding firm to them while my mum’s gone. Which is bullshit. If you create the rules, STAND BY THEM. Don’t throw them out because it’s too much fucking work for you to keep them in place. Don’t let them slide just because you’re too much of a damn pushover to punish your fucking bratschildren when they do wrong. It’s bullshit. And it’s seriously the worst fucking thing you can possibly do. If my son EVER acted the way these kids do, then he can be damn sure he’s going to be punished. End of fucking story. 

Also, DON’T PLAY FUCKING FAVOURITES. It’s fucking up your children, but then again, what the fuck does your middle daughter matter? She’s her mother reincarnated, right? WRONG. She is NOTHING like her mother. She’s turning out so much better. So stop fucking comparing them. 

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Another thing. I’m not going to go on and on about this, or say I’m done dating or whatever. But I’m honestly done with caring so much for someone and not feeling like I’m even remotely important in their lives. If they can’t at least show me that they want me around, like I show them that I want them around, then why do I waste my time? Oh, right. Because I honestly think they’re worth it - this guy more so than others. I mean, he’s almost everything I look for in a guy: caring, funny, attractive, intelligent. We get into a lot of the same things, and he has the most infallible way of making me smile even when I’m in my darkest, ugliest moods. We can talk about anything without seeming to run out of things to say (that doesn’t happen a lot for me). I’m honestly falling for him harder each time I see his name on my phone when it alerts me of a new text from him. BUT. I did a test yesterday. I didn’t text him at all. I continuously checked my phone. I got excited every time my phone beeped, thinking it was him. It never was. Sometimes, it was his FaceBook status updates. But never a text message from him. And that hurt like Hell. I can’t help but wish that I could be nearer to him - to be able to actually see him vis-a-vis. But I can’t. So I have to rely on text messages. And it sucks. It really does. 

I caved. I just texted him. I mean, he texted back, and all, but I shouldn’t have texted him first. I should have waited for him to text me. Shouldn’t I have? God, I don’t know any more. Blegh. And now he’s not replying. Wonderful.

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Everything is just so damn…fucked up, really. So I’m going to drag my emotionally-drained, exhausted self to bed.

I have never.never.never been so damn tired. Not a tired that’s deep down in my bones. Not like this. 

In other news: I’m almost done writing “War and Peace” (fanfic, by the way, for those who have no idea about what I’m talking) for Tracia. Then, I’ll probably sleep a bit, then get to working on my homework assignment again, updating Last Name and You Believed in Me (both fanfics). 

If you would like the linkage to them, let me know. (:

I’ve gotten it at least ten times now. What the Hell?

You don’t deserve to live. Unfortunately, murder is illegal, so I suppose I’ll leave you be.

Physically. For now.

My life cannot be held within words, or photographs. But I will do my damnedest to keep the memories fresh with each strike of a key, each flash of the camera, of each time I take the time to write them all down. This is my life, day to day.

(Source: homances, via elerinwen)

I have no idea what the Hell to do. You can’t expect me to just know, after all that’s gone down. Ughhhhh…